


Passing the Graveyard We Hold Our Breath

by bluestar



Series: Oneshots and Stand-alones [5]
Category: Pacific Rim
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Blood, Gen, Panic Attacks, Violence, mild body horror, warnings for movie canonical violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-10
Updated: 2014-06-10
Packaged: 2018-02-04 03:44:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1764427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluestar/pseuds/bluestar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone has an origin.</p><p> </p><p>--</p><p>For the Pacific Rim Mini Bang, a stand-alone story for the inestimably grand Tendo Choi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1




 

_August, 2013_

 

            He could taste smoke. The world was quiet around him except for the distant, shrill calls of gulls – or maybe they were sirens. Tendo couldn’t tell the difference. He sat beside his grandfather’s body and stared out into the bay, wondering at the glowing blue poison slicking the water’s surface. The sun had sunk below the horizon hours ago but the fires in the city lit up the night, staining the sky a dirty orange and coughing smoke into the wind. Tendo hadn’t moved since sunset. He couldn’t muster the will to; moving meant walking away from Yeye, and that meant leaving him alone in a place where no one would find him, maybe for days on end. He deserved better than that.

            Tendo had gotten rid of his ferry uniform shirt in a flurry of panic after hugging Yeye’s body to him in unthinking grief. The poison had spread across the thin linen and soaked into it, and Tendo had nearly ripped the shirt off before it could touch his skin. None of it had gotten on him – the creature had been practically raining it down to the ground below as it marched through the city, and not a single drop had found its way onto Tendo. How miraculous. How divine an intervention, that not a speck had touched him.

            The wind gusted off the choppy bay waters and brought the odors of brine and smoke with it, passing over Tendo like a miasma. His eyes watered at the acrid smells and a cough caught in his throat. His mouth was painfully dry and his stomach gnawed with hunger, and his body ached all over. He felt like he was coming apart at the seams. Maybe the stress and fear was catching up to him and he was going into shock; how did one know that they were in shock? By the grinding feeling of their thoughts coming to a jumbled halt, their body feeling battered and broken even if it was still whole?

            Tendo shifted, his stiff limbs aching in protest as he finally mustered enough willpower to move. He had to get up. He had to walk, to get away. He looked down at Yeye. He didn’t look like he was sleeping. He looked like an empty thing, human but…not, somehow. Everything that had been Tendo’s grandfather simply wasn’t there anymore. But it would be so wrong, such a betrayal to leave him.

            He couldn’t look at him for more than a few moments at a time. If he tried, he started to feel sick. Tendo forced himself to look back at the bay, watching the water as it lapped at the shore. The sand was stained with the glowing venom and the bright, sheer unnatural light of it caught Tendo’s attention unwillingly. He stared fixedly at it until his eyes burned. Time passed without his marking it, and the sky had begun to lighten when the staccato rattle of gunfire began again.

            Tendo looked around slowly over his shoulder. The ground was shaking as though something was stomping heavily overland. There were distant roars accompanied by explosions and crashes; a monster, a horrific, living impossibility, being attacked by the gathered military and smashing its way through the city. The shaking grew worse and the noise grew louder, and Tendo realized with a sick jolt that the creature was coming back.

            There was no more time. Walking meant leaving, but staying meant dying. The monster seemed determined to bring down San Francisco on top of everyone and the army wouldn’t be pulling punches just so one wayward survivor could linger in shock. He had to move. He had to leave.

            Tendo realized quite painfully that he wouldn’t be able to carry the body with him.

            “Yeye,” he said. His voice was a rusty croak after so many hours of silence and breathing in smoke. “Yeye, I’m sorry.”

            The wind stirred his grandfather’s beard and clothes slightly, the fire-stained light of the sky silhouetting him in dark greys and oranges. The entire world was burnt, ashes falling like snow all around him. The smoke filled him up and choked him and Tendo gave a hacking cough that turned into a sob he could barely stifle. He rolled stiffly over onto his knees, kneeling beside his grandfather and his hands hovering just over the body, afraid to touch him.

            “Yeye,” Tendo said again, body shaking at the force of the coughing sobs. “I gotta go. I gotta go now. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

            _Endure this._ Endure? How? How could he endure it? Tendo pushed himself up and staggered back, his legs and back aching fiercely from sitting curled up on the hard ground for so long. He wiped at his face and there was gritty dirt on his palms, scraping against his face and sticking to the wet tracks of tears slicing down his cheeks. He turned away and started to walk, following the shore. The city burned on his right side and the water bordered his left. There was nowhere to go but straight ahead.

            There was a thunderous crash and Tendo jolted, whirling around. The creature was using its entire body as a wrecking ball, smashing through buildings and shrugging off the relentless waves of gunfire and missiles the army was throwing at it. He watched as it swung its head from side to side, the blade-like horn that crowned its skull slicing through concrete and metal. It glowed, inside and out – its insides were lit in vivid yellow, and it seemed as though the symmetrical patterns blazing in its skin were cracks for the light to escape through. It was glorious and horrific and made Tendo feel like an irrelevant insect before it. It had come for them all, and it was sweeping humanity and all that it had built away with little effort.

            He couldn’t stay. He had to move. The thought cycled repetitively in his mind, the only clear things he could hold on to. He couldn’t stay. He had to move. Tendo forced himself to look away from the monster and the battle, turning around and starting to walk again. It seemed so stupid, honestly. He was simply walking away, acting as though he hadn’t abandoned his grandfather– _no don’t think like that you can’t stay you have to move –_ acting as though there wasn’t a monster rampaging behind him – _don’t look back just walk just walk just walk_ – that there weren’t droves of soldiers dying on the ground and in the air alike trying to bring it down.

            How _could_ they bring it down?

            Tendo dared to look over his shoulder again. The monster was keeping itself quite busy plowing through San Francisco and took no notice of him. He was so very far away from it after all, and so very, very small. Tendo only _felt_ like a personal victim of it. His entire life had been ripped out from under him and undone in less than an hour – but surely he warranted a little recognition? The irrationality of it didn’t really occur to Tendo. He stopped dead in his tracks and watched the monster; its back was turned to him. He started to spit curses under his breath and suddenly his voice was picking up volume, and Tendo marched forward a few steps screaming his rage at the top of his lungs.

The curses and threats echoed but the sound of his voice was lost under the roaring and gunfire, and Tendo was left with only a hollow feeling deep inside him where the grief and fury had been only seconds before. The monster didn’t care how angry he was and it never would. Destruction didn’t care what it ruined. It adhered to its nature and to hell with anyone and anything that was stupid enough to cross its path. The ruins of Tendo’s life were collateral damage. He didn’t matter at all.

“I’m losing it. I’m fucking losing it.”

Tendo’s voice was hoarse and he coughed, leaning back against an abandoned car and knotting his hands in his hair. He closed his eyes and rocked slightly, trying to piece himself back together. He was dangerously close to coming apart completely and he knew it. He couldn’t stay. He had to move.

“C’mon, Tendo. C’mon. One step at a time, just move. Off you go. C’mon now.”

Yeye wouldn’t be impressed with his carrying on. The man had always been strict, stern, unyielding. Don’t wallow in self-pity when you could be helping yourself instead. Tendo gulped in a deep, smoke-tainted breath and pushed away from the car. He turned away from the monster and started to walk again. He didn’t know where he was going; only that he was putting distance between himself and the battle. It was all that mattered.

“So, Tendo, how’s your day been?” he asked himself after an hour, picking through a deserted neighborhood. Cars littered the street, some still running. Storefronts and apartment buildings stood open and abandoned – no one had stuck around to loot. He looked around and then ducked into an SUV with all its doors flung wide open, taking a bottle of water he’d spotted on the passenger seat. He cracked it open and emptied it in one long, unending gulp, shakily swiping his hand across his mouth.

“Oh, you know. Not too bad. Felt like going for a walk. Everyone’s….everyone’s out doing their own thing. Not a soul on the streets. Never seen it this empty before.”

He rooted through the SUV and found a paper bag spilling its contents in the back seat; granola bars, canned food, a crushed carton of eggs upset and leaking yolk onto the upholstery. Groceries, then. Not a quick grab-and-dash of supplies to evacuate with. Tendo filled his pockets with granola bars and ripped one open with his teeth, stuffing it into his mouth without really tasting it.

“Well, it’s always nice to get out and see the sights, isn’t it? Lived here most of your life and you never even went to Alcatraz, let alone just walk around town. What kind of person does that in a tourist town like this?”

Tendo shrugged at his own question, walking again.

“Hell if I know. It’s downright shameful.”

He walked in silence for a few minutes and nearly jumped out of his skin at a massive explosion. He hit the ground and flung his arms over his head. As the echoes faded he pushed himself up, looking around wildly. The creature was swatting at the fighter jets circling it like flies, being bombarded with….Tendo wasn’t sure what. Bombs of the heavier sort. Maybe atomic, who could tell.

“That’s all I need. Let’s get stuck in the path of a fucking atom bomb. C’mon, you idiot, _get up.”_

Tendo followed his own sharp, impatient order and stood, refusing to look back. The day wore on and his thoughts faded into an exhausted grey haze, wandering on autopilot through the city. He found a clear road and walked along the side of it with his head crooked down towards the ground and eyes focusing on nothing at all. The sun beat down on him and his dingy undershirt stuck to him like a filthy second skin. His stomach growled and he reached automatically into his pocket for another granola bar, gnawing on it. He wished absently that he hadn’t drunk all the water in one go.

How long had he been walking? Where was he even heading? Tendo forced himself to look up. The road he had been following had turned to highway without his noticing; he was well on his way to leaving the city behind. He turned and looked back at it reflexively; massive columns of black smoke towered over the ruined sections, and he could see squadrons of planes flying like birds on the wing and swarming around the monster. Tendo held his hand up and fit the creature’s distant shape between thumb and forefinger, pinching down and pretending to crush it.

“Good job, Tendo. You win.”

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=2w4kwti)

He turned away and started to walk again. The road was eerily still and the silence bothered him deeply. The planes were a mosquito whine in the background, punctuated by faint roars and the echoes of bomb explosions, but out here on the highway it felt as though the world had paused, holding its breath. Tendo walked, losing track of time and any sense of himself, his mind sliding back into autopilot. He just wanted to walk. Just wanted to move, to get away, to leave the city behind him.

The sun was beginning to sink below the horizon when the army truck rolled up beside him.

“Sir?”

Tendo didn’t look up. He had to keep moving. There would never be enough distance between him and the city, but he had to keep walking and try anyway. The truck idled behind him and there was a sound of following footsteps, and a soldier with an ash-smeared uniform and a careworn face caught up to him.

“Sir?”  
            Tendo flinched like a startled animal at the hand on his shoulder, twisting quickly away from the soldier. He immediately backed off, putting his hands up.

“I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t mean to scare you. Are you okay?”

There was no answer, only a blank stare. Okay? Was he okay?  Tendo’s voice was stuck in his throat, refusing to come loose. Of course he wasn’t okay. The soldier was keeping him from walking. He had to keep moving.

“Did you come from the city?”

Tendo swallowed hard; his mouth had gone bone-dry again. He nodded slightly at the question, eyes flicking nervously from the soldier and back towards the road.

“It’s okay. It’s okay now. We’ve been helping evacuate people all day. How about you come with me now? It’s going to get dark soon. I can help you get somewhere safe.”

Safe…now _there_ was an appealing thought. Tendo looked to the truck curiously. There were other people in it; some soldiers, some civilians. Many were looking at him. He turned back to the soldier and gave another faint nod.

“Good. Good, okay. C’mon with me now, sir.”

Tendo let himself be guided to the truck and the soldier helped him climb into the back of it, settling him down. The sudden jolt and vibrations as the truck started moving startled him again and Tendo wrapped his arms tightly around himself. He ducked his head down and closed his eyes. He didn’t care where they were going. He was simply glad to get away from the city. He was in the truck with the other refugees for a long time, and eventually fell asleep curled up in a corner.

 

\--

 

The refugee camp had been unbearable. Tendo had lasted two days before he couldn’t stand it anymore, fleeing from it with a vague direction in mind and only the donated clothes on his back; his old clothing had been confiscated and destroyed as a precaution against ‘contaminants’. There had been a whole quarantine section of the camp dedicated to _contaminants_ and the people suffering from them; the wracking coughs and cries of those exposed to the blue venom had kept him awake for two days straight.

He had had to answer questions in a triage tent about his own exposure before they would let him into the camp. No, he didn’t feel short of breath or nauseous. No, there were no open sores or blisters on his skin. No, his vision wasn’t blurry or distorted. He would have said the sky was green and the moon was purple if it meant he would stay out of the quarantine, but he had passed with a clean bill of health after his brief interrogation.

There had been so many displaced people. So many families, so many alone and searching for the ones they had been separated from. When the entire mess had first started Tendo’s only thought had been to get to his grandfather, but now he wondered if his coworkers and passengers from the ferry had gotten away…or if the boat had been capsized and sunk. He shook the thought off. Surely they had gotten away. Surely.

There were streams of people going in and out of the camp and it had been relatively easy to get away unnoticed. One less mouth to feed and one more bed open for someone who wanted to be there; Tendo left it behind and walked alongside the road, picking up the wandering trail he’d set for himself again. His mind was cleared of shock but he found himself missing the grey blankness as he walked; slipping into autopilot meant forgetting to think and remember. All he could do now was think over and over about the news reports he’d heard of the monster’s path inland and the destruction it was causing, the death tolls of civilians and soldiers.

Traffic had begun to pick up again, all the cars in a steady flow branching in every direction. It seemed counterproductive to flee out from the coast when the monster was inland, but what if another one came out of the sea to follow it? There were no safe places anywhere. Better to flee and hope for the best, skirting the monster’s path. It occurred to Tendo that he only had twenty dollars in his wallet and would likely be sleeping in bus stops or park benches now that he had sprung himself free of the refugee camp. He looked over his shoulder at the distant mass of tents, army personnel and caravans of trucks bringing medical aid and food, and then kept walking. If he had to listen to one more poor son of a bitch in the quarantine cough their life out, he’d lose his mind.

The sun was beating down on him mercilessly again and Tendo was quietly berating himself for not thinking to bring food or even a bottle of water when another truck pulled up beside him. He’d been thumbing for a ride for the past hour, though every car that had gone past him had been packed to bursting with people. He didn’t blame anyone for skipping over one particularly rough-looking refugee on their own. He paused now and the truck’s passenger side window rolled down, and the driver leaned over and squinted at him.

“Where you headed, son?”

Tendo shrugged.

“Wherever. Out from here.”

The driver pointed to a distant exit sign, the slow procession of traffic filtering from the main road into it like an inlet from a river.

“I can take you as far as the next town over if you want. That’s where I was headed.”

            “Just gonna offer a total stranger a lift? Just like that?”

            The driver mimicked Tendo’s indifferent shrug, scratching at the stubble that dusted his face. He looked like he hadn’t changed clothes or slept in a few days.

            “Looks like that’s what you were expectin’, hitchhiking like you were. Seems like the world’s coming to an end. Might as well do someone a kindness before it sweeps us under, don’t you think?”

            Tendo smiled slightly and nodded, pulling the passenger-side door open and climbing into the truck.

            “I guess so.”

            The driver waited until Tendo had buckled himself in before pulling back into the slow flow of fleeing traffic, lighting a cigarette and offering one to Tendo. He took it gratefully, sucking in the smoke and holding it in as long as he could.

            “Thank you.”

            “Don’t worry about it. Already helped a couple other stragglers get the hell out of Dodge anyway. I got the means to, might as well help people out.”

            “Not a lot of people would.”

            The driver took a drag on his cigarette and snapped the smoke, watching the traffic crawl.

            “Most people tend to look after their own. Thing like this…makes you put that in perspective, what you want to protect first and foremost.”

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=28jitde)

            Tendo said nothing. He smoked the cigarette down to the filter and ignored how dry and painful the smoke left his mouth, wishing for water. The day slipped slowly into a vividly red and orange sunset, the oppressive rising heat from the highway turning the air into almost liquid waves. The driver didn’t talk much, only asking at one point if Tendo would mind the radio playing. There was no music, only continuous news reports covering the creature’s steady process inland and the military response.

            “Hell of a thing,” the man said. Hours had passed and they had finally made their way onto the exit ramp, steadily picking up speed and escaping the over-packed highway. “Never thought to see such a thing in my life. You?”

            Tendo coughed, his throat rasping.

            “No, sir. I sure as hell did not.”

“What are they calling it? Transgressor or something?”

“Trespasser.”

The man nodded slowly.

“Not bad.”

“Better than Godzilla Junior, anyway.”

The man laughed, giving Tendo a wry look.

“All we need is for it to start breathing fire to really kick the party into gear, huh?”

Tendo’s lips twitched into a thin smile. He looked out the window and watched the sky darken into deep blues and purples, stars beginning to phase slowly into view. The radio droned on and he sank into the seat, eventually dozing off. The dashboard clock was reading 11:34 in lime green numbers when the truck pulled into a motel parking lot; Tendo was shaken awake, sitting up abruptly with a soft, startled noise.

“Sorry, son. Didn’t mean to scare you.”

Tendo looked around in disorientation, squinting at the motel. It was packed but the vacancy sign was still lit. He jumped again as the man pressed a crumpled twenty into his hands, looking from it to him in deep confusion.

“I can’t take this.”

“If you don’t, I’ll probably be passing it off to whoever I pick up next,” the driver said. “Just take it, son. I got family I’m staying with here, I’m set. You need it more than I do.”

Tendo mumbled his thanks, stuffing the bill into his pocket as he got out of the truck.

“Why are you doing this for me? You don’t know me from a hole in the wall.”

The man shrugged, seeming amused by the bafflement in Tendo’s voice.

“Like I said. It just might be the end of the world. Easier to be kind than cruel. You take care now, alright?”

Tendo stepped away and watched the truck as it pulled out from the parking lot, staring down the road until it disappeared, taking the man whose name he’d never even bothered to ask out of sight and away.

 

\--

 

Trespasser fell three days later. It had destroyed six cities and killed thousands, and the cheering that erupted in the diner when it hit the ground shook the windows. Tendo sat in a corner booth with his eyes fixed on the TV screen, watching the grainy video replay over and over of the final wave of bomb strikes that had finally overwhelmed the creature. It fell heavily and bled vivid blue into the dirt, gasping out its final breaths before shuddering and going still. People were laughing and talking all around him but he couldn’t process it as more than white noise; all that came through clearly was Trespasser’s final ragged cry as it died. Tendo felt an odd sense of closure in his overworked emotions; he had been there first to see it rise from the water, and now he had watched it die in the dust. He looked back down at his food and his vision was blurry but he carried on with his lunch as though tears weren’t slicking down his face. Slowly the rest of the world began to come back into tune and he could hear muttering in the booth in front of him.

“Takes almost a week and God knows how much artillery to put the thing down. What if it happens again? What do we do?”

“Throw more nukes at it and pray, probably…”

Tendo laughed humorlessly at that, looking up at the TV. What would they do…what _could_ they do, honestly, except fight?

 

\--

 

“You hear about that new army thing they’re starting up?”

Tendo knocked back his beer, sitting a bit off to the side and listening to the men he’d simply trailed behind after work as they sat at the bar. He’d been six months out of San Francisco and found work that paid for a bare rented room and enough food to keep him going, but little else. He found he couldn’t muster a want for much else…especially after Hundun’s attack in Manila and the cold, sinking realization that Trespasser hadn’t been some kind of horrific fluke had set in.

“Tendo. Hey. You awake over there?”

He blinked and looked over.

“Sorry man, lost in my own head. You say something?”

“Yeah. S’all over the news, didn’t you see? They’re looking for mechanics’n shit too, welders…kind of a blanket casting call for people, y’know?”

“For what?”

“Pan Pacific…somethin’ Corps. Brand new. Dealin’ with the monsters.”

Tendo was silent for a long moment. He’d never thought of himself as any kind of military material…but it beat scraping by like he was now. He shrugged, finishing off his beer and signaling the bartender for another.

“Sounds kind of interesting. Guess it couldn’t hurt to take a look.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

            _October, 2017_

 

“Hell of a thing, isn’t it?”

Tendo stood up straighter, looking over his shoulder. The Jaeger stood as though at stiff attention below him, maintenance crews tending to it at all sides with welding and repairs. He nodded slowly, looking back towards it.

“Understatement of the year.”

The man leaned on the railing beside him, watching sparks spill like rivers of fire off the Jaeger. The people tending to it looked almost comically small compared to it; ants skittering around a giant’s body.

“You gonna be piloting?”

Tendo gave a sharp laugh before he could stop himself.

“Me? In one of those? God, no. I barely have the coordination to walk and breathe at the same time. LOCCENT’s the place for me, nowhere else.”

“LOCCENT? That’s, uh…wait, wait…”

“Local Command-”

“Center, right. They go crazy with the acronyms around here, I swear to God. Everybody’s too busy to talk so they just shorten the words ‘til they’re gibberish.”

“You seem to be doing okay with it. I mean, guy knows a word like _acronym_ , he’s got to have some kind of intelligence going on.”

The man looked over at Tendo for a moment and then cracked a grin, sticking his hand out.

“Yancy Becket.”

“Tendo Choi.”

“A pleasure to meet you, Mister Choi,” Yancy said wryly. Tendo gave a grin of his own, looking back at the Jaeger speculatively.

“You just ship in?”

“Yeah, fresh out from the Academy with my brother. We’re Gipsy Danger’s piloting team.”

“So that’s what she’s called,” Tendo murmured. The Jaeger was broad-shouldered and imposing, the fiery core at her heart dormant as she stood in stand-by. Tendo had seen her in warm-up mode; the core turned into a vortex, burning vivid as a star. “You’re right, brother. Hell of a thing.”

Yancy laughed slightly, standing and straightening out his bomber jacket.

“So what’s a LOCCENT officer doing up in the catwalks, anyway? Get lost on the way to the break room?”

“Ohh, you got me pegged,” Tendo said with a snort. “I just felt like visiting, honestly. I see ‘em from the LOCCENT window but it’s not the same as seeing it up close, you know? I’m gonna be helping direct Jaegers out in the field….just wanted to see her before you mess up the paint job.”

“I’ll try to keep her pretty for you, Mister Choi,” Yancy said. Tendo laughed again.

“I appreciate that, Mister Becket.”

“Just Yancy’s fine.”

“Alright, Just-Yancy. Where’s that brother of yours?”

Yancy shook his head in tolerant amusement, pointing unerringly downwards.

“Right down there.”

Tendo leaned over the railing a bit and squinted; there was a tiny figure on the bay floor in a jacket identical to Yancy’s, holding up a camera. The flash went off every few seconds.

“Pictures?”

“Yeah, he’s kind of a shutterbug. Likes to…ah, how’s he put it. ‘Collect moments’. And this…this is a pretty big moment. No pun intended.”

Tendo watched the flash go off a few more times before the man was shooed away from the Jaeger.

“And he is?”

“Raleigh.”

“Yancy and Raleigh. Got it, I’ll probably remember that.”

“So what about you? Where’d you come from? Don’t remember seeing you kicking around the Academy, I know they do LOCCENT and administration training there…”

Tendo shrugged lightly.

“Graduated out of there almost four months ago. Didn’t take a lot of time to talk with anyone outside of class. Didn’t know I had it in me to apply so hard to studies, either.”

“Bookworm, huh?”

“Nah.” Tendo gave another shrug. “I just wanted to get it right. I wanted to be able to help people. So I kind of…I dunno. Threw myself into it all the way.”

“So you just graduated…any practical LOCCENT experience yet?”

Tendo snorted and gave Yancy a sardonic grin.

“No, I haven’t sent any Jaegers out into the fray just yet. But I got top marks in every training session.”

Yancy put his hands up, looking amused.

“Alright. I defer to your judgment, I’m sure there’ll be no disasters lurking on the horizon.”

They stood in companionable silence for a while, simply studying the Jaeger. The maintenance crews soon finished up their work and descended, leaving Gipsy Danger to stand and wait in relative silence. Tendo had been deeply intimidated the first time he had seen a Jaeger up close; it wasn’t just the sheer, massive scale of them but the power they wielded. Tacit Ronin, Cherno Alpha, Chrome Brutus…they scared him, a little bit. And the people who piloted them he stood a bit in awe of.

“What’s it like?”

Yancy glanced over at him.

“Hm?”

Tendo waved a hand at the Jaeger, feeling rather stupid that the question had slipped out. He knew about the Drift, he knew all about the training Rangers went through…but it wasn’t the same as really being _in_ one. Yancy looked thoughtful for a moment, biting absently at his fingernails.

“It’s kind of a symbiosis thing,” he said eventually. “When you Drift…you’re not you anymore, like your partner’s not their own self. You, them and the Jaeger, it’s the three of you turning into one thing.”

He studied Gipsy Danger for a moment, gaze lingering on her dormant heart.

“It’s not just a machine anymore once you Drift and hook in. It’s you in a new form walking into the water and trading hits with kaiju.”

Tendo nodded slightly.

“I…yeah, I think I get it.”

Yancy glanced over at him sidelong.

“Gipsy packs a punch like a bastard, too. Special rocket-arms for extra boost.”

The laugh he startled out of Tendo made him grin, and he pushed back from the railing once more.

“So, Mister Choi. I guess I’ll be seeing you around?”

Tendo gave him a mock salute.

“Lookin’ forward to it.”

 

\--

 

The alarms droned like klaxons. Tendo had rolled out of bed and begun to dress himself before he was even properly awake, working on muscle memory and pure reflex to keep from tripping and crashing to the floor. He ran his fingers through his hair haphazardly and jogged out from the barracks towards LOCCENT, his brain playing catch-up to his body and finally dragging itself to full awareness as he pushed through the crowd of techs swarming the control center.

“Event report,” he barked, taking his seat at one of the consoles and switching on the holo-display; he was still getting used to the three-dimensional format and haptic interfaces, grabbing and pulling in empty air to manipulate the projections. A technician right beside him pulled up surveillance footage and forwarded it to his screen; a massive spine-covered kaiju was making its inexorable way through the sea, the ruins of a cruise liner torn in half slowly sinking in the water behind it.

“Jesus,” Tendo muttered. Louder he said, “Dispatch time for Jaeger responders? Is evacuation in effect? Where’s the police chatter logs, where are we standing with crowd control?”

“You’re asking an awful lot of questions you ought to know the answers to already, Officer Choi.”

Tendo scowled and looked over his shoulder, his words coming faster than his sense could curb.

“I was in _bed_ six minutes ago, I just got off night shift. Who the he-”

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=4ilp8m)

He stuttered and coughed to find the Marshall standing at his shoulder, expression stern and eyes boring into him.

“I mean…I’m. Uh. Excuse me, sir.”

Marshall Pentecost gave him a knowing look and Tendo wanted to shrink, turning back towards his console.

“What I meant to say, sir,” he said carefully, “Was that I have not yet been briefed on the event. Just trying to see where we’re at.”

“Where we’re at is Yamarashi tearing its way through Long Beach and taking the RMS _Queen Mary_ out as collateral damage,” Pentecost said. “It’s headed straight towards Terminal Island, and from there…”

“Into the city,” Tendo finished, nodding. “Understood, sir. Um. Responders are…”

“You’ll find the mission manifest already loaded into your screen, Officer Choi. I trust you don’t need anyone to inform you how to find it.”

Tendo’s face burned and he pulled up the manifest silently, scanning for the assigned Jaegers.

“Two responders for one kaiju, sir?”

“It’s a nasty son of a bitch,” Pentecost said, turning away from Tendo and going towards the front of LOCCENT, watching the main holo-projection as it played scouting footage of the kaiju alongside a digital map of its projected path. “Ripped through that ship like tissue paper. It’s a two Jaeger job, I assure you. You’ll be heading direction of Gipsy Danger as she enters the field, Officer Choi. Time to put all that hard practice into _practicality_.”

The ‘ _are you sure?’_ that wanted to escape was quickly forced back as Pentecost looked over at him again. Tendo sat up straighter in his chair and nodded.

“Yes, sir.”

The Jaegers were powering up and readying for deployment out on the bay floor. Tendo sneaked a look from his console towards the enormous window looking out towards them; the second Jaeger, another Mark II, was already being moved out of the Shatterdome and preparing for lift. Gipsy Danger loomed, headless and waiting for her pilots. Tendo clicked his radio on, fixing his microphone securely in his ear.

“Testing, testing. Anyone alive out there?”

There was a moment’s silence and then the radio buzzed on the other end.

“ _And a fine morning to you too, Mister Choi.”_

Tendo smothered a laugh, unsure if Pentecost was looming behind him again.

“Two weeks since you got here and you guys are already heading out. Any jitters?”

            “ _Not until we found out it’s you actin’ as our spotter. Should we be worried?”_ Raleigh said. He was trying to play it cool but Tendo could hear the undertone of excitement in his voice.

            “You _wound_ me, Becket-boy,” he said. “I’m forty percent positive I’ve got you guys covered.”

            “ _Wow, you’re great at inspiring confidence,_ ” Yancy said. Tendo grinned, pulling up the screens dedicated to running the Pons system.

            “I have a vague idea of what I’m doing, Yance. Don’t worry so much. You guys strapped in yet?”

            _“Locked and ready for neural handshake on your order.”_

            “Good,” Tendo said. He keyed up the commands to initiate the Drift program, watching the readout of Raleigh and Yancy’s vitals. “Green across the board and ready for activation. Initiating neural handshake in three, two, one…”

            He activated the Pons. The brainwave scans went briefly wild as Raleigh and Yancy entered the Drift, but they soon settled into a new, strong pattern anchored into the Jaeger.

            “Neural handshake holding steady. Initiating Conn-Pod drop.”

            There was a faint grinding of gears as Gipsy’s Conn-Pod descended, twisting in a corkscrew onto the Jaeger’s body and locking into place. Tendo watched closely as the Jaeger was brought outside, the escort choppers hooking into it and lifting it up and out from the Shatterdome.

            “Your target is a category three kaiju codenamed Yamarashi,” he said. “Estimated time passing the Miracle Mile is twenty minutes. Engage and neutralize before it hits the city.”

            “ _Understood._ ”

            The kaiju was quickly approaching the Queensway Bridge and Tendo’s stomach gave a lurch. The bridge was closed off and cleared by now, he knew that- but all he could see was Trespasser ripping through the Golden Gate Bridge, trailing Kaiju Blue in its wake and howling…he shook his head hard, pushing it away. The Queensway was a strip of road that had grown legs to stand in the water. It was nothing like the Golden Gate at all.

The two Jaegers had been deployed and were hot on Yamarashi’s trail, walking side by side. Tendo could hear the other Jaeger’s spotters directing it where to go; he cleared his throat and leaned forward, sifting through screens in his console and looking for a copy of the projected pathway map.

            “Gipsy, straight beyond the Queensway is a shipping freight dock. Bridge is a loss, contact estimated in four minutes and you’re five behind it. Try to direct it towards the dock and away from any inland access.”

            _“Roger, LOCCENT._ ”

            The Jaegers had spotter helicopters trailing after them to provide eyes for LOCCENT in the air, and Tendo watched with as Yamarashi plowed through the bridge. It was an ugly son of a bitch; all spikes and green scales and lurid glowing eyes. Its teeth gnashed as though it was perpetually ripping into something, snapping at the air and drooling. It moved with singular purpose and Tendo knew its attention was fixed on the city beyond the water.

            “ETA landfall is fifteen minutes and falling,” he said. “Hurry it up, Gipsy.”

            “They know what they’re doing, Officer Choi,” Pentecost said behind him. “Don’t backseat drive.”

            Tendo flushed slightly.

            “Yes, sir.”

            Pentecost studied the map Tendo had pulled up; the shipping dock he had located was highlighted and flashing red.

            “Awful lot of property damage potential.”

            Tendo nodded briefly, looking apologetic.

            “If it goes down in the freight stacks rather than in the middle of the city, it’s worth the gamble sir. Dock should be in full evacuation mode by now just like the bridge. Corps protocol prioritizes clearing out anything coastal within minutes of events, no risk of civilian casualties.”

            “Fully aware of protocol and procedure, Officer Choi. But…good thinking.”

            Tendo tried not to let the pleased surprise show on his face, tilting his head down towards his console and watching the screen. Pentecost moved away towards the other end of LOCCENT and Tendo tried to casually look over his shoulder; Pentecost was talking to other LOCCENT operators, pointing to something on another map. He’d met Pentecost briefly his first day after being assigned to the Los Angeles Shatterdome – nothing much beyond a handshake and introduction, really. This was the first time he’d even spoken to the man in nearly three months.

            Yamarashi gave a sudden throaty howl, jarring Tendo’s attention back to his screen. The Jaegers had caught up to it and were guiding it slowly but surely out of the water and towards the cargo dock as instructed; it relied heavily on its claws to attack, raking them through the air and slamming its paws against the Jaegers’ hulls. It used its head as a battering ram, bashing against the second Jaeger’s Conn-Pod as though trying to knock it loose.

            Gipsy pivoted behind the kaiju and grabbed it in a strangling headlock. Yamarashi wheezed as the Jaeger began to choke the life out of it, dragged out of the water and onto the dock. It writhed against Gipsy in rage and struggled to get loose. The second Jaeger drew back its arm and its hand balled into a tight fist, striking forward and smashing the kaiju in the face. Teeth shattered and fell from its bloodied mouth and it screeched, agonized. Gipsy struggled to keep hold as it thrashed loose – it scrabbled to catch the kaiju again but missed by inches, and suddenly Yamarashi was on the second Jaeger trying to rip it open.

            Tendo watched with the cold detachment he had struggled to learn in the Academy; a LOCCENT officer’s job was to direct and preserve Jaeger assets. Emotional response weakened judgment, and the part of him that wanted to cry out as the second Jaeger staggered under Yamarashi’s assault was walled off.

            The Jaeger fended off Yamarashi briefly, copying its headbutting attack and smashing against its wounded mouth. The kaiju gave an unmistakable wail of pain and fell back, pawing at its face. The Jaeger’s arm twisted and seemed to come apart, remaking itself into a cannon; the first plasma bolt caught Yamarashi in the face, the second in its chest. It dropped to all fours and wheeled away from the Jaeger, only to find Gipsy Danger looming right behind it. It howled and plowed forward, head lowering and aiming to knock the Jaeger down.

            “Gipsy, keep to its left side! It’s been blinded on that side, you can keep out of what range its got left!”

            Gipsy complied at once, quickly spinning out of Yamarashi’s way as it charged. The kaiju seemed confused that it hadn’t hit anything and turned in a tight circle, head cocked to the right and trying to get the Jaegers in focus again. Gipsy swooped in from its blind spot and delivered a crushing blow– the kaiju’s jaw broke, hanging slack and its long, fat tongue lolling. It gave a gagging howl and swept its arm out defensively, knocking Gipsy off-balance. The fight hadn’t traveled very far into the cargo dock yet, the towering stacks of freight containers mostly untouched. Gipsy careened into one of those stacks now, sending tons of metal crashing to the ground.

            The second Jaeger charged as Yamarashi tried to right itself again, slamming into the kaiju with terrible force. It clung to the Jaeger and began tearing into it almost in desperation, claws rending through metal. There were several alarmed cries scattered through LOCCENT as the Jaeger began to fail under the rabid assault; Penteost was somewhere behind Tendo calling for the pilots to abandon it as the Conn-Pod was torn open – but Tendo wasn’t watching that.

            “Rangers Raleigh or Yancy Becket, report,” he barked. “Vitals are stable and your Jaeger’s in one piece, _get up!”_

            Gipsy rolled onto its knees and pushed itself up, the Conn-Pod shaking sharply like a man clearing his head.

            “ _Still kicking, LOCCENT.”_

“Good, ‘cause your partner’s down for the count. Jaeger asset has been lost and Rangers have evacuated,” Tendo said, opening a new screen and enlarging the spotter chopper’s surveillance feed. “Gipsy Danger hull integrity at seventy-five percent, reporting malfunction in plasma cannon array. Gonna try and reboot it remotely but you boys better think _real_ creative in the meantime.”

            Yamarashi pushed the ruined Jaeger away and it crashed to the ground, lying splayed like a dead body. It turned its remaining eyes on Gipsy and gave a bitter hiss, loping forward. Gipsy braced for the impact and was pushed back deep into the freight stacks, slamming up against a harbor crane and pinned there. Yamarashi began slashing at the Jaeger’s chest and its claws struck sparks, skidding against metal. The crane’s thick steel cables hung listlessly by Gipsy’s shoulder and its heavy hooks banged against the Jaeger’s hull. Tendo felt his detachment starting to fail as some of Gipsy’s plating fell away, revealing the wires and cables of her guts.

            “C’mon you son of a bitch, _c’mon,_ ” he hissed at his screen, keying in the reboot for Gipsy’s cannon. The malfunction was in activation, not the mechanism itself – the damn on/off switch was stuck and he couldn’t get it loose, they needed their weaponry and he couldn’t _help them-_

            There was a resounding crash as the crane suddenly fell, the cables ripped free and held taut between Gipsy’s hands like a garroting wire. The Jaeger kicked Yamarashi hard in the gut and sent it sprawling, stomping down on it and quickly looping the cable around its neck to pull the noose tight. Yamarashi flailed and its jaws gnashed uselessly as the cable began to slice through its flesh, a bright arterial spray of blood coating the Jaeger. Gipsy didn’t relent – the kaiju bucked beneath it but the cables still cut deeper, and with a sickeningly wet noise sliced through it entirely. Yamarashi’s battered face went slack and its head suddenly rolled free of its body.

            Tendo sat back in intense relief, giving a laugh as the cannon’s readout blinked out of malfunction mode and into green again.

            “LOCCENT to Gipsy Danger, come in. You guys alright in there?”

            Yancy sounded tired but unmistakably elated as he clicked on to the radio.

            _“We’re good, LOCCENT. We have a confirmed kill. Yamarashi is down. Repeat, Yamarashi is down.”_

“We read you loud and clear, Gipsy Danger. Good work out there.”

            Raleigh clicked on to the radio and Tendo could practically hear the shit-eating grin he must have been wearing.

_“Notice our cannon’s online again. Good job with that, Mister Choi.”_

Tendo laughed again.

            “Told you I’d reboot it. Didn’t say how long it was gonna take.”

            Tendo cleared away all the screens except for the surveillance feed. Gipsy stood above the kaiju’s corpse like a knight over a dragon, a foot still pinning it down against the ground and the crane cables looped loosely in one hand. The Conn-Pod craned back and Gipsy raised its other hand in salute to the circling choppers.

            “Congratulations, Becket boys,” Tendo said. “You just bagged your very first kaiju.”

            _“Didn’t do so bad yourself. Thanks for looking out for us.”_

Tendo grinned.

            “Someone’s gotta be the brains of the operation around here. C’mon home, guys. Job’s done for the day.”


	3. Chapter 3

 

            _February, 2020_

Tendo sat alone in the furthest corner of the galley he could find, smoking a cigarette. The place was usually packed no matter what time it was but there were only a few scattered people sitting around eating. He took a long drag on his cigarette and held it until his lungs began to burn, then slowly let it out in a noxious cloud. He had been trying to quit for years. Wore the patch, chewed the gum, sometimes squeezed a stress ball until his fingernails bit into the soft rubber and his hand ached – but there were bad times when Tendo decided he simply didn’t care, and lit up one of his few hoarded cigarettes and breathed nothing but smoke.

            The taste was acrid on his tongue and dried out his throat. Tendo coughed in-between drags but didn’t think to put the thing out, instead determined to smoke it down to the filter and then light up another.

            Yancy’s last scream wouldn’t get out of his head.

            He tried to ignore it. Tried to push it away. To hide behind his sense of detachment – and God forgive him but that sense had gotten stronger the past few years, hadn’t it? – but nothing worked. He could hear it as though it had been burned into his brain, determined to loop until he wanted to scream right back just to drown it out.

            The realization of what had happened hadn’t even hurt at first. It hadn’t fazed Tendo at all. Knifehead had faked them out and risen from the water again, ripped Gipsy open, killed Yancy, and then Raleigh had killed Knifehead. A simple, clear chain of events from start to finish. It was when Tendo really sat back and looked at the readings on Yancy’s drivesuit monitor staying stubbornly flat-lined and Gipsy’s energy signatures offline that it hit him. Yancy was dead. Gipsy Danger had been demolished. Raleigh…Raleigh, lying in a hospital in Anchorage in shock, wounded and edging death from piloting the Jaeger solo, half his body cooked and burned with patterns of circuitry.

            Tendo tried to light a fresh cigarette and gave a hacking cough. He’d smoked three in a row already. Even in full swing with his cigarette addiction he’d never had the stamina to be a chain smoker. Now all he wanted was to slowly suffocate in the smoke, taste ash and tar and the feel the burn in his lungs. He flicked his lighter but the damned thing wouldn’t catch; he gave it another five flicks before an irrational spurt of anger made him throw it, and it soared across the galley to hit the far wall. No one who heard the clatter of plastic shattering against concrete questioned why he’d done it. They took one look at him and then turned away as though apologizing for noticing him at all.

            Leaning forward on his elbows and chewing on the cigarette’s filter, Tendo rested his head in his hands and tried to shake Yancy’s scream loose. He coughed again and it was rough on his dried-out throat.

            It wasn’t just the scream, he realized. It was Knifehead’s roars, Gipsy’s bellowing horn, the blasts of the plasma cannon…all wound together into one awful sound. Tendo coughed again, wetly, and there was the catch of a sob in it. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried. You forgot to, in a job like this. People came and went, victories and losses. You felt good when things went right and you felt numb when they failed.

            Tendo coughed again. Tears slid tentatively down his face as though they didn’t belong there, dropping onto the tabletop in tiny splatters. Why had he hid out in the galley, of all places? Crying like a child in public in front of people he worked with, people who he’d come to direct and command as a senior officer. He’d climbed to the top of the ladder in LOCCENT and it was his home, but now here he was giving into the grief that threatened to crush him like he didn’t know how to detach.

            He stood abruptly, brushing ash off his uniform and marching out of the galley. Raleigh had been refusing all visitors that he had the power to turn away, though Pentecost had been to see him. The news of Raleigh’s resignation hadn’t been a surprise, but Jesus have mercy, it hurt. Where would Raleigh go now, Tendo wondered. Where else was there for him?

            Tendo pushed open the heavy, vault-like door to his quarters and shut it slowly behind him, leaning against it as though pinning it shut against the world. In the perfect silence the noise began again in his head and he put his hands to his ears, body shaking with the effort to keep it inside and pushed back. It began to crackle through him like electricity and Tendo gave one last hard cough before it escaped him. He slid down to sit on the floor, his arms covering his head and legs drawn up to his chest, the sobs wracking him. Yancy was gone and Tendo had heard him die. Gipsy Danger was gone and Tendo had been the one to process the order to send her to Oblivion Bay. Raleigh was gone and he wanted nothing to do with the Corps anymore.

            Tendo sat on the floor until the sobs passed and there were no tears left to him, feeling hollow…and very, very alone.

           

            --

 

            _Five years later_

 

 

            “So that’s it, then? It’s over?”

            Pentecost gave Tendo a passing look, his expression stony.

            “We don’t need ‘em.”

            Tendo watched Pentecost walk out of LOCCENT with Herc Hansen right beside him, heads ducked down and already talking and planning. He looked around the closed-down room with a heavy sigh, wandering around with his fingers lightly touching familiar chairs and consoles as though to commit them to his memory. He scratched at his neck in vague irritation; his uniform was starched and stiffly pressed, and it itched like hell. Eight months. What the hell were they supposed to be able to do in eight months? All the funding that should have been going to repairing Jaegers, shoring up defenses…wasted on constructing walls?

            He looked back at the blank screens and wished the United Nations committee was still online so he could give them a piece of his mind. The attacks were getting more frequent, more violent, costing more with each effort to drive the kaiju back. Hiding behind walls meant letting the monsters run loose and unhindered.

            “Correct me if I’m wrong, ladies and gentlemen of the UN,” he said stiffly. “But aren’t the walls made of metal and concrete? Ten years of experience seems to show that kaiju can rip through that kind of pretty fuckin’ easily.”

            There was no reply, the screens greyed out and dormant. Tendo sighed and rubbed at his temples as though trying to stave off a headache.

            “Eight months. Sure. Not like we weren’t working on a high-pressure timetable before. This should work out _great._ ”

            He turned away from the screens and went to his old console, running his hand over the plastic sheeting that covered his keyboard. The Jaeger bay stood empty and abandoned outside LOCCENT, the lights dimmed. Tendo left the room slowly, brushing his hand against the light switch and turning them off for the last time.

 

\--

 

            _January, 2025_

           

 

            “I can’t believe she’s up and running again…”

            Mako stood a little straighter, hugging her clipboard to her chest and glancing over at Tendo. She worked hard to keep her expression cool but Tendo could see the spark of pride in her eyes to have her efforts noticed. Tendo had stood in stunned awe for nearly half an hour at the LOCCENT window as Gipsy Danger was brought online after five years lying dead in Oblivion Bay. Her heart burned the same, just as Tendo remembered it - a fiery, vivid star.

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=k12wbo)

            “You did this,” he said to Mako. “You restored her.”

            Mako nodded briefly.

            “There have been many improvements and upgrades to bring her up to speed with modern technology. She will be able to reenter active service as soon as we assign her a Ranger team.”

            “You’re gonna be one of them, aren’t you? Use all that Academy training?”

            Mako looked back towards Gipsy for a long moment.

            “That is the ideal plan, yes.”

            “But who else is there to pilot? I mean, all the other Mark Three pilots are…”

            “That’s where you come in, Officer Choi.”

            Tendo looked around to Pentecost in genuine bewilderment, pointing to himself and then the Jaeger.

            “I’m sorry…I’m sorry, _what?_ ”

            Pentecost allowed himself the barest hint of a smile before shaking his head. Mako pressed her lips together tightly to repress her own amusement, bowing to Pentecost and taking her leave.

            “Not to pilot her yourself, Officer. Need you to pull some records, track a man down for me.”

            Tendo nodded, glancing back at Gipsy again.

            “Shouldn’t be too hard. Who am I looking for?”

            Pentecost pushed a thin folder into his hands and started to walk off again. Tendo stared at the name on it in shock.

            “An old friend. Get to it, Officer Choi…time’s a-wasting.”

 

\--

 

            It wasn’t hard to find Raleigh. He’d stuck around in Alaska the past five years, lingering on the Anchorage Wall of Life and keeping his head down. Tendo had forwarded the most recent address he’d been able to dig up to Pentecost, and the Marshall had headed out on a flight back to the States that evening. Tendo sat in the Hong Kong LOCCENT at his console, slouching into his chair and staring out the window to the bay floor. Gipsy Danger was standing at stiff attention in the bay alongside two other Jaegers; Tendo had never thought to see Cherno Alpha up close and in person, let alone Crimson Typhoon.

            Tendo swiveled in his chair absently as he stared out the window. This was the last move to make on the board. If Operation Pitfall failed…Tendo shook the thought off. He couldn’t afford to let himself think about how narrow their chances of success were or how quickly the war clock was ticking away the seconds before the next kaiju event. If he gave into that train of thinking, he knew he would never pull himself free of it. Tendo sat up straighter in his chair and activated his console, pulling up his usual array of screens and looking to Gipsy one more time.

            It was good to see the Jaeger again. Even if this was the last march into battle before the monsters closed in and took them out for once and for all, it was comforting to have that last bit of hope to go out on.

            Tendo smiled faintly and let himself hang on to the idea of hope, looking down to his console and getting back to work.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Deep thanks to blairtrabbit for coaxing me along whenever I got stuck (which was often) and being a compassionately patient editor - and equally deep thanks to cheesecake12 for providing the art for the story <3
> 
> I touched on my own ideas of Tendo's origins a bit in Strange, Far Places - mentions of how he'd gotten out of San Francisco and gotten into the Corps. I couldn't resist poking at that history a bit more, and here we are with the result. Hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
